Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
