Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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