biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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