im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize