His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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