It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
