the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
