the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
