hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
