Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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