I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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