So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize