SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
