yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
