I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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