I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
