Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize