Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We need to rekindle our bromance
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
