11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
...so i touched it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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