I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
