I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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