I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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