he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
