I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
