god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize