if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
