Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
