Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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