If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
