Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
