I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
