whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i will never coherently bang her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
