i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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