Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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