I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
