I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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