can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
