I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What a dumb baby whore.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize