So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
