He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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