9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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