Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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