Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
