I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize