tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
