I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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