Plan B is the new Plan A
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
