i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
