So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
