i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize