I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
