Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
