and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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