I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
