Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Shitshow foam night was such a success
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
