So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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