Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Panties = found
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
