So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
