You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
