Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
