Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
