dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Are my feet made of real feet?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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