I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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