i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
