but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize