she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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