if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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