Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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