I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
