So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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