I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
