Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
