Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
