non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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