what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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