Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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