ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
