I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
