Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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