Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
