You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
