Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
