I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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