just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
