I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He told me they were just razor bumps!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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