You're my little dorito
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
