I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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