Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
