I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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